How to be a Lefty Liberal - Part One

I have made many observations as to how to be a faux liberal commie wankstain. So I hereby unveil some of said observations, and hope you find them useful in recognising a truly uneducated hypocritical cunt of a supposed liberal when you see one.

• You believe that only white westerners can be racist.

• You believe that businesses cause poverty, and governments create wealth.

• You believe that prison doesn't work, and the real deterrant to crime is being taken on a free fishing trip and having someone make excuses for it.

• You believe everyone should have equal outcome, regardless of input.

• You think the CO2 from Al Gore's private jet is harmless, but that of Ryanair and EasyJet will cause the Maldives to fall to the bottom of the sea within the next 6 weeks.

• You are in inherently prejudiced towards Israel and Jews and accuse them of stealing the bodyparts of Palestinian children.

• You think the war in Afghanistan is justified, and is about instilling democracy and women's rights (not likely under Sharia, but you don't like to split hairs).

• You believe taxpayer funded abortion-on-demand is a viable form of contraception.

• You claim to be socialist, but you send your children to a private school.

• You support legalising class A drugs but are absolutely, totally anti-smoking.

• You're passionate about forcing everyone to use energy saving lightbulbs, but you believe everyone should have broadband in their home and at least one energy guzzling computer each.

• You believe "poverty" is the root cause of psychopathy.

• You pontificate about the horrors of Western slaughterhouses whilst saying nothing of Halal methods.

• You think America was responsible for 9/11.

• You have to believe that everyone who comes into the country from abroad is somehow a victim.

• You throw bricks throw bank windows in protest of their bonus culture, but say nothing of MP's expenses.

• You applauded Geert Wilders being banned from Britain, but say nothing of Islamic extremists and believe they are the products of British prejudice and exploitation.

• You think the British recession is America's fault.

• You reject the fact that communist man-made famine in the USSR and China DID take place. You blame it on bribed right-wing conspiracy theorists.

• You think the BBC is fair and unbiased.

• You pretend to believe terms like "Happy Christmas" and "Happy Easter" are offensive.

• You openly and catagorically slam big businesses for basing their HQs offshore to avoid tax, but ignore the fact that Bono does the exact same thing.

• You are wealthy and always have been, but are convinced you're qualified to speak on behalf of the poor, despite having never known anyone poor.

• When you can't list any significant benefits to mass immigration, you brand those against it "racist" and hope the attention shifts from your failing argument.

I will follow this up with more in future.

That will be all!